My First Conspiracy Theory

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As there are so many “doomsday” conspiracy scenarios painted by the tea people against the liberals, the liberals seem to be suffering a “doomsday image” gap. We have seen the “hellscapes” that liberal policies will bring, as told to us by the tea people anyway, which is what they were told by Fox News, but the liberals have not offered as much imagery showing the horrors inherent in the continuation of conservative policies. As recent historical evidence does not seem to register with the tea people, I feel we need to choose a media they understand; the conspiracy theory. With the 2010 elections coming up it seems to me that we should make some effort to close the image gap a little. To that end I thought I might try my hand at generating a conspiracy theory about conservatives so the tea people can see what some of us see as resulting from their policies. Please remember that this is my first attempt at a conspiracy theory so forgive me if I make newbie mistakes or if I fail to motivate you sufficiently to arm yourself with assault weapons and attend a town hall meeting on daycare reform, because we would rather have our children exposed to peril than to have any more government regulations on businesses…oops, sorry, wrong side.

The Theory:

We know that the tea people (liptonites?) are drones for Fox News, and we know generally those responsible for the content of the Fox News indoctrination programming. The question is why are the town clowns being instructed to rile the village idiots to make war against those standing for social justice, and why, with such fervor, now?

It is because the extreme corporate right thought that they had the mechanisms in place to control the people of the Unites States forever with the anointing of “Dubya” as Head Idiot of the façade government these corporations have been able to purchase so far. It was going along pretty well too, at least in their little dream world, until they crashed the party boat onto a reef of economic reality. Even though none of them “believe” in reality, they went aground anyway (go figure). This happened, of course, at our expense, but then the corporate fascista turned to the very people they had just raped and demanded that we clean them up, also at our expense. In the election of 2008 the victims started pushing back.


The corporate fascista did not like the election of Barack Obama, nor would they have any liberal for that matter, because their assumed control of the government and her people was taken from them. Their reaction to this setback is an all out, full court press, “it doesn’t matter how”, lie, use God’s name lavishly for this vanity, bare false witness against any and all liberals, lie some more, cheat, use racism, energize class warfare, use economic sabotage on stimulus programs, engage in the rabid use of obfuscation, buy more politicians, instigate and ramp up hatred to the point of violence, and anything else you can think of, take over of the United States, her people and our history. They want to control everything and not for the betterment of mankind, but for the sole purpose of satisfying their limitless greed. It should be pointed out that this is not the typical, everyday, “run-of-the-mill”, greed we’re talking about here either; this is not the “I wouldn’t have to work anymore, I could live wherever I would like and drive whatever car I wanted” type of greed. No, this is greed taken to a psychotic level [ref: Tibetan Buddhism/Hungry Ghost]. This hunger cannot be satisfied.

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The Plan For The Corporate Takeover Of The United States

Step 1: Make the United States government as small as possible.

Our government is the ONLY means by which we, the average American, can stand against blind corporate greed. Over the years the representative party of the corporate fascista stood against child labor laws, women’s suffrage, public schooling, food and drug regulations, FDIC, Social Security, civil rights, and Medicare to name a few, and all of these were good for the average person at the expense of corporate greed. The corporate fascista have every intention of repealing every one of these programs by making them seem un-American and disgusting. In fact, the government is just a nuisance to them and they demand that they rule everything. Now, by obfuscation, the corporate fascista have some of us believing that helping each other achieve our fullest personal potential is evil, whereas letting people die from lack of health care is regrettable but necessary if the psycho-greedy have an opportunity make more money.


The corporations in question will have Fox News make the tea people think things like, “Hey, all that those regulations do is make the products more expensive and the government bigger. The corporations are people too. They wouldn’t do anything to knowingly hurt us. Excuse me, do you have a cigarette?” …and the “they”, “them”, and “those” references to the government are designed to keep a firm subliminal wedge between the people and their own elected representation. By doing this, the corporate fascista can get the tea person to think that environmental, safety and health regulations on industry are just examples of further government interference, just like “them takin’ yer money with their taxes and yer guns agin yer will” (I had to scribe the accent so the claim seemed “folksy” and grass-rooted). Now, after years of the corporate fascista vilifying our own representative government, the tea people are befriending the very people who will enslave them, and they are doing it without as much as a thought. For the fascista, everything is going according to plan.

To confine the role of the United States government to the civilian control of the military is the goal of the corporate fascista, with the unspoken proviso that the corporate fascista make up the “civilian control”. If successful, the military/industrial complex will then just buy the government, if they haven’t already, giving the corporations in question full exploitation of our military. They get the nations military and we get to pay for it and man it with our sons and daughters. The corporate fascista will simply tell Fox News to sell their military ambitions as “of vital interest to the United States”, vilify the people in that area who they determine need to die, vilify those of us who object, and do whatever they want.

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Step 2: Break the Middle Class.

The only threat to the corporate fascista’s plan is a united middle class, in this case the United States government by name. To destroy this opposition, they have devised a strategy to drain the money out of the middle class until they are no more. With extreme healthcare costs, bankers locked in psychotic greed fantasies, etc, money is being pumped out of the middle class like, say, oil out of a ruptured well head. More middle class people are forced to sell their homes and with fewer middle class people in a position to buy these homes the housing market floods causing the prices to drop, new construction stops, more jobs lost, et al. The corporate fascista will, when ready, start buying these properties up for cheap with profits gained by high healthcare costs, bail-out money, etc, and then rent these properties back to the people who used to own them. Rent will be high and what wages there are will be low. The military will be one of the few employment opportunities left for young Americans. The fascista knows that we would be paying our sons and daughters to die for their greed. It would cost the corporations nothing. In fact they make money selling the necessities of war. That’s why they are instrumental in starting them. It is their intention to keep us scared and needy so we are more easily controlled and “a war” together with economic hardship is perfect for this. It is no wonder they are the cause of both.

[If some of you are thinking, “Isn’t ‘scared and needy’ more the mindset of a child?” The answer is yes, but we all have a little of that in the “background” to some degree, basically because we were once children, and the fascista knows it. That’s why they are trying to make liberals appear to be the “boogie man” and their “children” are buying it.]

In tort reform, the corporations have every intention of getting rid of any way the average American can hold them responsible for their actions. They are going to hard sell any law suite against them as “frivolous” and claim that it will only add to the cost of their products. By stacking the courts with their “sheep”, they will determine what your damages will be…if any.



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When I’m told that the reason the economy is sluggish is because of lib’rils, I can’t help but think that this graph suggests there’s another reason. I’m not saying that this situation must stop, or that laws should be passed, that is a debate for another time. What is being said here is this is destroying the economy of the world. Call it something else, blame something else, claim that it’s punishment from an all loving god, whatever, but the gears won’t turn unless the money starts to flow. That law has been passed and it had nothing to do with the government…it’s an economic reality (and these babies are rare).

We can no longer support the lifestyles of the psycho-greedy. Keep in mind that without us, without the people who build the castles, there would be no castles; without the people that grow our food, there will be no banquet; without employees, you would have no customer base; without the middle class no one can be rich. So if we’re going to have rich people, let’s have them be people who enjoy the idea of investing in the society that offers them this opportunity. Have him/her be someone who takes pride in that society and helps keep it running like a well tuned Lamborghini. It’s a simple choice: to be an asshole or a hero…who knows, people might even start caring about you too.

We are a young species and we have made enormous strides.  Consequently we find ourselves in a position we have never been in before.  We are finding that the economic system we have been using for centuries can choke itself to death.  So, go ahead, start a political fight, won’t you…I’ll just sit over here, maybe have a latté, and watch you beat the messenger to death while an opportunity of an eon passes us by.

 Nobody fairs as well financially as they do under democratic presidents, not even republicans. This is caused by fundamental flaws in the republican philosophy. One such flaw is denying the validity of the following argument:

Labor = Middle Class
Middle Class = Customer base
:: Labor = Customer base

“Shipping jobs overseas will only increase my profits. My customer base will increase because the product will be cheaper. Of course, I’ll keep the price the same anyway and keep the profits for myself…where’s my foil helmet? I think the Martians are scanning again.”

 [ http://voices.washingtonpost.com/ezra-klein/2010/09/why_elections_matter_in_one_gr.html ]
 
[By the way, the Bush tax cuts have been in effect throughout Obama’s presidency so far and I don’t see it stimulating anything, except making the champagne glass more top heavy.]


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Once the middle class is without recourse the final step can be taken.

Step 3: Corporate Aristocracy.

This is when the tea people find out that the corporate fascista no longer requires their services and will be ordered to enter serfdom with everyone else. With the military in tow, the fascista will no longer need the Tea People to do their bidding and, like the brown-shirts before them, will be dismissed. Armed rebellion is out of the question because the tea people will have to sell their guns for food, heat, medical care, etc. No need to pry guns from cold, dead hands when you can have cold, sick, hungry hands give them to you for 10¢ on the dollar – why you couldn’t buy the bullets to shoot them for that kind of money. Don’t think, however, that the history of the tea people will be without successes. For example, the government will no longer be interfering with our healthcare. There are no benefits offered with the position of serf. We get to pick through whatever is left over at whatever price is asked. At that point the only thing we can be proud of is that we kept the government (ourselves) from interfering in our personal lives.



Well, I hope you enjoyed my first conspiracy theory. Perhaps, if anything, it demonstrated that we liberals can think up scary stories too.

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